Restaurant Review: Cucharamama Hoboken, NJ

I generally don’t do restaurant reviews, but this is necessary.

Cucharamama: the name alone is intriguing. The website looked amazing – described as Artisanal South American Cooking. Empanadas, tamales, crochetes… mmm my mouth was watering just looking at the selection!

I arrived late to meet my girlfriends (stupid conference call for work), but they were almost through their 1st bottle of Riesling so I knew I was ok 🙂 As we caught up on our lives and chatted for about 30 minutes, I realized that our waiter hadn’t come by even once. I needed a wine glass dammit! So we asked the hostess and she said she’d get one for me.

Another 15 minutes went by, no wine glass, no waiter. The bus boy came by to clear the appetizer plates. No wine glass. The hostess walked by again, no wine glass.

Friend: “Excuse me, can you please find our waiter? We haven’t seen him in about 45 minutes and we need to order our entrees.”

Hostess: “He’s currently with a larger table, but he’ll be with you shortly.

Geez, I guess a small table of 4 is worth nothing these days.

Bus boy brings me a wine glass!! YES!

Waiter finally shows up! We order another bottle of wine, and our entrees. The wine bottle comes out quickly, and we’re chatting and drinking away. The food also shows up in a decent amt of time, brought by a different waiter, so we’re content for now. Food cures all moods temporarily.

Random waitress puts an empty wine glass in the middle of our table. Seriously? I needed that like an hour ago lady. And can’t you see that there are 4 of us with 1 wine glass each? Why in God’s name would we need a 5th?

We finish our meals – no waiter. We finish the 2nd bottle of wine – no waiter. The plates get removed by bus boy – no waiter. The 5th wine glass remains.

Good lord man, can we just get our check and get the heck outta here! I go inside to use the LGR (Little Girls Room) and think I see our waiter at the bar, just hangin out. Interesting. Head back to the table, and still the waiter hasn’t shown. Ugh.

We see the hostess again – “Mam, can you please find our waiter??”

10 mins later he shows up. Check please. PLEASE. He brings it, we pay cash and plastic. 10 mins later, he comes back to tell us the machine was down, and he just wants to confirm how much on the plastic. UGH. Repeat.

Ok receipts are here, sign, tip done.

Here’s the clincher. The dude has the nerve to come back with the remaining cash and tell us that it’s only 12% tip. “Fine, leave it and we’ll take care of it.” It wasn’t 12%. It was 15%. It was calculated on the total prior the tax. He calculated it after the tax. And even if we wanted to leave 12% he should be so lucky. The service was shit. Pure shit. And he has some nerve to question it.

So we decide to write all over the bill the following phrases:

“It’s not 12%, it’s 15%, which is more than you deserve for the poor service.”

“Hope the ‘larger’ table got better attention than we did.”

“Thanks for checking on us during the apps and entrees. Oh wait, you didn’t.”

Final review:

Price: moderate

Food: excellent

Service: shit

Never going back there again.


3 thoughts on “Restaurant Review: Cucharamama Hoboken, NJ

  1. I go out to eat to enjoy the food and the company of friends, but . . . if the service detracts from the experience, we never go back.

    Excellent post. And LOVE what you wrote all over the check!

  2. love the post!! its hilarious now, wasn’t when we waited and waited…
    I agree with ‘nrhatch’ – its totally distracting when service is that shitty.

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