Losing a friend or loved one is tough moment in a person’s life, often indescribable by words and only understood by emotion. People tend to grieve in many different ways – ignorance, sadness, depression, denial, etc… there’s no one wrong or right way to do it. But when do you step back and say – there has got to be an easier way.
I lost my father to lung cancer 7 months ago… the loss is still very fresh in my mind, body and soul. How do I grieve? Initially I talked to people about my thoughts. But that’s not really me. I used to be the girl who would put all my thoughts and dreams on paper and hide them away, not actually talk to people about them, because you know, who wants to listen to me go on and on anyway? So now I find my hiding place and think, and cry, and console myself — alone. It’s the safest place for me to be, always has been. Believe me when I say that I also confide in my husband, my other half, because he’s always there for me, but sometimes the best way for me to deal with this is to be alone.
The obvious questions you ask yourself after you lose someone is why? Why him? Why now? I realized since the beginning that I was of course being selfish when I asked these questions. I wanted him around for much longer… to get to know my husband better.. to come see my first home… to meet my kids when I have them.. but those are all reasons for me. I know everyone has to go at one point or another. No one can live forever… they haven’t mastered it yet as far as I know anyway. But now I have to slowly come to the realization that it was better for HIM to go when he did. He was suffering, he was in pain. Why would I wish that upon anyone in my family, or anyone in my life. He was such a strong willed man, and hated depending on anyone else for anything. For him to suffer with this disease any longer would have made him miserable because he would have to rely on others more than he could bear.
Just gotta keep repeating that and keep moving forward.
I miss you Dad… always will. I know you’re with me everywhere I go, just wish you were here.